Subtle Aspirations

Have you ever watched a glass fall down and shatter to pieces, closely?

Replay that instance in slow motion in the eye of your mind. Notice how the refractions in the glass encompasses the reflections of everything around it? Even after it hits the floor and disperses into pieces, those pieces reflect everything around it.

Partners of an ending relationship argue that they’ve done the same.

Often so we hear “I gave it everything I could”.

An unfettering relationship always has both parties reaching a breaking point; a point where they stretched it together until the last straw fell, shattering everything they’ve built into oblivion. Hence the simile of the falling glass.

As much as one would like to think “I gave it everything, until I didn’t have anything left to give anymore”, one must yearn to seek acceptance of the fact that the opposite person would have too.

It’s not about who put how much effort in – you really can never measure that to a tee.

Sometimes all it is, is a difference in perspective. And you only realise that over time.

Everyone did as much as they could to make it survive.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to argue who had an upper hand at how much effort they put in. Or you can choose to affirm to yourself, “We both did the best we could, just in different planes. I forgive myself, forgive you and choose to let go”

Don’t scorn, don’t resent, don’t disrespect – everyone does that – it most naturally seems the easy way out.

Instead improvise - Accept, respect and choose to pardon - your future self will thank you for it.

Here’s a song that’s been playing on my iPhone a lot lately:

i got the call today, i didn’t wanna hear
but i knew that it would come
an old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
she said you found someone
and i thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
and how i lost me and you lost you
what are these voices outside love’s open door
make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?

i’m learning to live without you now
but i miss you sometimes
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i knew, i’m learning again
i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

these times are so uncertain
there’s a yearning undefined
…people filled with rage
we all need a little tenderness
how can love survive in such a graceless age
the trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
they’re the very things we kill, i guess
pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
and the work i put between us,
doesn’t keep me warm

i’m learning to live without you now
but i miss you, baby
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i figured out, i have to learn again
i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

there are people in your life who’ve come and gone
they let you down and hurt your pride
better put it all behind you; life goes on
you keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside

i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
because the flesh will get weak
and the ashes will scatter
so i’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

A drop fell on his eyelid. He looked up and acknowledged the dark, gathering clouds, knowing that he still has a long way until he reaches home.

It was a while since he had walked out of his house aimlessly – with no destination. To let fate lead him wherever, in hope that there would be some sign, whatsoever, which will link all the pieces of his life and give him meaning. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the line from the TV show, “The X-Files” – “The truth is out there”. “What truth?” he wondered.

With that thought he shut the door of his apartment and walked out.

As he walked down the empty pavement ahead, he battled feverously with numerous thoughts in his head, feeling as if he was walking in the opposite direction of a crowd. Every now and then his logic would peek amidst the emotional chaos and remind him to be Zen like and “empty his cup”. A few minutes, and he was back on the cycle.

3 random bus trips and a few hours down the line, he found himself at a place he didn’t know even existed until then. There was a wharf close so he decided to take a stroll by.

His mind kept juggling with the concept of the glass being half empty or half full. And the Zen notion was long forgotten.

The sound of church bells in the distance kept him amused for a while. Part of him wanted to explore and visit the place. Part of him wanted to stay put. An hour passed when he realised how he stayed put without evening making a decision.

“What now?
What’s the point staying here further?
Tomorrow will be another day and life has to go on the way we have known it to isn’t it?
One’s got to work, earn, pay bills, eat, live!
Even if one dissevers every other string attached, one still has to deal with basic essentials.
Are these basic essentials culturally ingrained over a period of time?
Is that why one cannot fathom otherwise?
How do people stop being themselves, turn the page, and live to lead a fresh new life?
Can they truly ignore their conscience?
Isn’t it a struggle to bolt the door to your mind from letting the past back in your head?
Or is it so that one just gets habituated to it and it becomes second nature after a while?
But if so, what determines the capacity of a human to be able to cope with that period until they are habituated to it?
Is there a point for all these questions?
Tomorrow will be another day and life has to go on the way we have known it to isn’t it?”

Just then, a drop fell on his eyelid. He looked up and acknowledged the dark, gathering clouds, knowing that he still has a long way until he reaches home.

An ardent hiatus isn’t it? Hehe. Yes I know it’s been too long since I’ve posted. Too many things happening currently in this prolonged stretch of a time-lapse.

In the essence of true internet “surfing” - you know, where you Google (oops did I offend you? guess not hehehe) for something and follow links - next thing in about 20 minutes you realise you’re reading something that has no relevance to what you were seeking in the first place?

So, as I was saying, in the true essence of internet surfing, I happened to chance upon this particular article. Yes I know - the first thing you’d notice is the domain name there - canada.com and the emoticon in your head would pretty much instantiate a WTF :)

However - so I landed upon this article and couldn’t help but continue to read further. Now to be honest, as I’m posting this, I haven’t really read the complete article yet - but I can definitely tell a good read when I spot one ;)

So here we go - an article on “Forgetting about a love” - How to stop obsessing about your “ex” (as much as you’d hate to admit the EXistence of the word EX in reference to him/her).

A quote from the article states -

“They [your ex] want to feel that they are still important. It is a lot about feeling wanted and loved. It’s that idea in our society that you’re nobody if somebody doesn’t love you, so if this one person doesn’t need to be with you anymore, it attacks your self-worth.”

But, for instance, what if you’re harbouring a feeling of deception in love? Do they give an answer to that?

I guess not! Some answers are so personal that no book, no article, no quote, no song, no movie, no emotion can do justice to them… they apparently seem to only come with time… or so I’ve been told.

As they say, time heals all. Or is it to just only “learn” how to mend a broken heart - just so you’re well “equipped” for the future?

Ooops - almost forgot - here’s the link: http://www.canada.com/topics/lifestyle/valentinesday/story.html?id=b08a9a9d-5e63-4d6a-a2f6-830851b381ab

The title of this post says it all :)

I had heard of this before (can’t remember when and where), but I watched it for the first time.

This video, most definitely, is guaranteed to make you smile right from the beginning - so much that your face will start hurting coz you’ve been smiling for that long.

What an awesome video of communities from all across the world coming together just simply, to create JOY!

14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands - this video is about this guy called Matt… aah well just watch the video first, I’m sure you’ll want to find out more about him after that - click on his website which I’ve posted after the video :)

http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/about.shtml

My dear friend Vabeez forwarded this email to me from work this evening. I think she’s carting vengeance on me with all the “Inspiration Peak” messages I’ve been sending to her over the last year or so :)

All said and done, this really struck a chord in my heart and I wanted to share it with anyone who stumbles upon it:

“There was once a wise woman traveling in the mountains who found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and she opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked if she might give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime, but a few days later he came back to return the stone to the woman who had given it to him. ‘I’ve been thinking,” he said, “I know how valuable the stone is, but I’m giving it back in the hope that you can give me something much more precious. I want you to give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.’ ”
— Author Unknown

Sometimes in our continual drive to get ahead, we forget that the things we gather around us, no matter how precious they might seem, pale in comparison to the love and light we hold within.
May you always recognise that what is truly precious is not to be found in the outer world, but inside of you.

Early last week I was chatting with a long lost dear friend of mine. There used to be a time we knew exactly what the other was upto at any given point in a moment. Last week, we caught up after over a year or so.

We talked about almost everything under the sun - as much as we could.

Among other conversations, I expressed to her how lately I’ve just been feeling so disconnected with everything in life (I’m not getting into the reasons here).

To that she suggested trying out in maintaining a public journal/blog wherein, at the end of each day, I list out 5 things I’ve been greatful for each day.

I took up on her suggestion and created this: http://devesh.net/gratitudejournal :)

So far there have been 4 posts - since the last 4 days it’s been active.

I must say this is truly helpful! No matter how your day has been - just the simple act of actually spending a few minutes at the end of each day and wading through your thoughts, to pick up the postives, if nothing, most definitely helps you sleep better!

And as easy as you think it is, it’s not! It took me good 25 minutes or so to write my first 5 points - just made me realise that how much we tend to focus on the negatives rather than even appreciating really simple positives.

I challenge you to try it out yourself. You don’t have to create a blog or write about it anywhere (however if you choose to, believe me it’s way better) - simply, as you put your head down on your pillow, list out 5 things in the day you are thankful for :)

You’ll have moments when something negative linked to a good thing will flow out - simply acknowledge it and say to yourself that this exercise is not to focus on the negatives - and steer your mind to search for a positive.

As I mentioned above - if for nothing else, it’ll definately help you sleep better ;)

Don’t forget to drop a line with your experience if you do decide to do it ;)

Cheerio!