Subtle Aspirations

So far I’ve done alright, God. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I’m very happy about this. But in a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed.

And from then on, I’m going to need a lot more help.

Phew! What a run! Been a long lost time since I’ve updated my blog.

Simple to say that life’s been simply beautiful and I cannot be more grateful :)

Well, as most of you know that I made this “drastic” move to a new city at the first opportunity that fell in my lap. Now I wasn’t really looking, but it just so happened. I guess it was life’s way of asking, “would you like to move on my friend?”

The arsenic rust that I had grown into, I was quite taken aback myself on my decision to move.

What most people don’t know is that I let go of my whole 8 years of life I lived in Sydney – I gave away most everything I ever possessed and had collected over the years.

Surprisingly, what I didn’t realise is how much of my memories, the animosity, the distrust, the anger, the frustration and all that comes along with it, I parted with :)

It wasn’t until quite a few weeks here that it hit me with what I’ve done.

I immersed myself in work. Along with came the “joy” of finding an apartment for myself. I did so in a month and for the first time in my life, made this apartment, a home for myself :)

I’ve never before felt the need to “choose” and be “peculiar” about what I wanna get for the place and stuff – but over the month I spent so much time (oh and of course, don’t forget the moolah) in just setting the place up.

Friends were there to help, but I was quite surprised at my own inclination to do so.

Soon enough my lil sis will be joining me here to spend a few months with me – something I’m truly looking forward to!

But before that, there’s something else much “alluring” that I’m looking forward to… :)

I must add that this change in location, as mere it may sound for a third person, has changed so much within me – my perceptions, my perspectives and from the looks of it, my luck :)

I’ve been letting go more and more of my old ties, making new friends, improving my knowledge, learning new things, cheering for new things in life and pleasantly, looking forward to life each day! Although work keeps me pretty occupied right now… I yearn for this change!

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I couldn’t help but pause – one of my recent favourites just started playing on my random playlist – “Far Away” by Nickleback :)

Someone I recently got to know, pointed this song out to me, saying she was thinking about me while listening to it – have drawn a close affinity towards the song since :)

Anyways, I guess I lost my train of thought. I’m gonna cook some pasta, pour some good merlot, sit back, relax and maybe listen to some Bach… recently heard “Pachelbel’s Cannon in D” and I was instantly hooked!

Until next time… cheers to new, lasting beginnings ;)

No one likes changes – changes which fall upon you, may it be by fate or a decision you’ve made.

Good changes are welcomed – but there’s always an unnerving feeling of the transition between your current state and adapting the change.

The reason for this post is two fold:

Firstly – an update to all who drop by here.

I’ve embraced a big change in my life :) I’m moving cities and intending to actually settle down in Melbourne. 

Honestly, Melbourne has been on my mind for a few months now but nothing tipped the scales for me like a few weeks ago.

In short – I applied for a dream job – something that I’ve always wanted to do and couldn’t quite find the fit anywhere before. I applied online and shortly after the application I got an email from them saying that they’re interested to have a chat. 

The phone interview went great and a week later I was in Melbourne for a face to face interview. 

Cutting it short – they made a good offer, coupled with my subliminal intention of “starting fresh”, I accepted the role and confirmed that I’ll move within a fortnight.

I made a snap decision right then that I’m going to get rid of most of the stuff that I’ve owned over the years here (more specifically the things I purchased over the last 3 years).

I don’t know if what they say is true – out of sight is out of mind – but I’m not risking carrying anything with the memories of the past with me over.

As the days draw closer to the big move, my knees go weaker. I know the emotional attachment with the city I’ve lived in for the last 8 years is going to be a tough nerve to severe.

My flatmate, Karan, said something very profound to me the day I came back from Melbourne (at that time I hadn’t yet made my decision of moving – only contemplating it). He said and I quote:

“There is no growth in the comfort zone, and no comfort in the growth zone”

That statement kinda hit home for me. Yes I’ve become too comfortable in the small life that I had. I had mulled too long in the aftermath of the destitution that I had brought upon myself. And worse yet, I had grown too comfortable living with all that filth in my head. 

Most naturally there was no room left whatsoever to grow and seek a better life.

That night as I put my head on my pillow, Karan’s words echoed back in my head – and I knew that I’m going to take this risk. I’m going to give this a shot. I’m going to MOVE :)

So with the support from my family and all my friends who I’ve known – I endeavor to take what they say – another baby step – reminds me of what Ruch had told me long ago – “it’s all about taking baby steps my dear, and before you know it, you’ve walked a mile!” :)

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So, as I said earlier, this post is two fold… 

A few years ago I had subscribed to Brian Kim’s Motivational & Inspirational Messages (MIT) via email. So every evening when I get home, I’ve got one waiting for me. 

Today’s message pretty much felt as if it was directed towards me :) So here it is for anyone who may benefit from it:

Every day is a new opportunity to start with a clean slate.

 

To put the past behind you and to look forward to a promising future.    

 

And to mark this special occasion, try making some radical changes to ”shock” you out of your routine to tell yourself that you really mean business.

 

That THIS is the day things start to change.  

 

• Wake up at an earlier time and lift weights and jog around the block.
• Throw out EVERYTHING you don’t need in your house.
• Tie up all the loose ends you’ve been putting off.

 

Whatever you do, make sure it’s a positive, radical, substantial change to get you off on the right foot and running toward the direction you want.    

 

The hardest part in getting a rocket into space is escaping earth’s gravity.

 

Once it does that, the rest is easy.  

Have you ever watched a glass fall down and shatter to pieces, closely?

Replay that instance in slow motion in the eye of your mind. Notice how the refractions in the glass encompasses the reflections of everything around it? Even after it hits the floor and disperses into pieces, those pieces reflect everything around it.

Partners of an ending relationship argue that they’ve done the same.

Often so we hear “I gave it everything I could”.

An unfettering relationship always has both parties reaching a breaking point; a point where they stretched it together until the last straw fell, shattering everything they’ve built into oblivion. Hence the simile of the falling glass.

As much as one would like to think “I gave it everything, until I didn’t have anything left to give anymore”, one must yearn to seek acceptance of the fact that the opposite person would have too.

It’s not about who put how much effort in – you really can never measure that to a tee.

Sometimes all it is, is a difference in perspective. And you only realise that over time.

Everyone did as much as they could to make it survive.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to argue who had an upper hand at how much effort they put in. Or you can choose to affirm to yourself, “We both did the best we could, just in different planes. I forgive myself, forgive you and choose to let go”

Don’t scorn, don’t resent, don’t disrespect – everyone does that – it most naturally seems the easy way out.

Instead improvise – Accept, respect and choose to pardon – your future self will thank you for it.

Here’s a song that’s been playing on my iPhone a lot lately:

i got the call today, i didn’t wanna hear
but i knew that it would come
an old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
she said you found someone
and i thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
and how i lost me and you lost you
what are these voices outside love’s open door
make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?

i’m learning to live without you now
but i miss you sometimes
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i knew, i’m learning again
i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

these times are so uncertain
there’s a yearning undefined
…people filled with rage
we all need a little tenderness
how can love survive in such a graceless age
the trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
they’re the very things we kill, i guess
pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
and the work i put between us,
doesn’t keep me warm

i’m learning to live without you now
but i miss you, baby
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i figured out, i have to learn again
i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

there are people in your life who’ve come and gone
they let you down and hurt your pride
better put it all behind you; life goes on
you keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside

i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
because the flesh will get weak
and the ashes will scatter
so i’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

A drop fell on his eyelid. He looked up and acknowledged the dark, gathering clouds, knowing that he still has a long way until he reaches home.

It was a while since he had walked out of his house aimlessly – with no destination. To let fate lead him wherever, in hope that there would be some sign, whatsoever, which will link all the pieces of his life and give him meaning. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the line from the TV show, “The X-Files” – “The truth is out there”. “What truth?” he wondered.

With that thought he shut the door of his apartment and walked out.

As he walked down the empty pavement ahead, he battled feverously with numerous thoughts in his head, feeling as if he was walking in the opposite direction of a crowd. Every now and then his logic would peek amidst the emotional chaos and remind him to be Zen like and “empty his cup”. A few minutes, and he was back on the cycle.

3 random bus trips and a few hours down the line, he found himself at a place he didn’t know even existed until then. There was a wharf close so he decided to take a stroll by.

His mind kept juggling with the concept of the glass being half empty or half full. And the Zen notion was long forgotten.

The sound of church bells in the distance kept him amused for a while. Part of him wanted to explore and visit the place. Part of him wanted to stay put. An hour passed when he realised how he stayed put without evening making a decision.

“What now?
What’s the point staying here further?
Tomorrow will be another day and life has to go on the way we have known it to isn’t it?
One’s got to work, earn, pay bills, eat, live!
Even if one dissevers every other string attached, one still has to deal with basic essentials.
Are these basic essentials culturally ingrained over a period of time?
Is that why one cannot fathom otherwise?
How do people stop being themselves, turn the page, and live to lead a fresh new life?
Can they truly ignore their conscience?
Isn’t it a struggle to bolt the door to your mind from letting the past back in your head?
Or is it so that one just gets habituated to it and it becomes second nature after a while?
But if so, what determines the capacity of a human to be able to cope with that period until they are habituated to it?
Is there a point for all these questions?
Tomorrow will be another day and life has to go on the way we have known it to isn’t it?”

Just then, a drop fell on his eyelid. He looked up and acknowledged the dark, gathering clouds, knowing that he still has a long way until he reaches home.

An ardent hiatus isn’t it? Hehe. Yes I know it’s been too long since I’ve posted. Too many things happening currently in this prolonged stretch of a time-lapse.

In the essence of true internet “surfing” – you know, where you Google (oops did I offend you? guess not hehehe) for something and follow links – next thing in about 20 minutes you realise you’re reading something that has no relevance to what you were seeking in the first place?

So, as I was saying, in the true essence of internet surfing, I happened to chance upon this particular article. Yes I know – the first thing you’d notice is the domain name there – canada.com and the emoticon in your head would pretty much instantiate a WTF :)

However – so I landed upon this article and couldn’t help but continue to read further. Now to be honest, as I’m posting this, I haven’t really read the complete article yet – but I can definitely tell a good read when I spot one ;)

So here we go – an article on “Forgetting about a love” – How to stop obsessing about your “ex” (as much as you’d hate to admit the EXistence of the word EX in reference to him/her).

A quote from the article states –

“They [your ex] want to feel that they are still important. It is a lot about feeling wanted and loved. It’s that idea in our society that you’re nobody if somebody doesn’t love you, so if this one person doesn’t need to be with you anymore, it attacks your self-worth.”

But, for instance, what if you’re harbouring a feeling of deception in love? Do they give an answer to that?

I guess not! Some answers are so personal that no book, no article, no quote, no song, no movie, no emotion can do justice to them… they apparently seem to only come with time… or so I’ve been told.

As they say, time heals all. Or is it to just only “learn” how to mend a broken heart – just so you’re well “equipped” for the future?

Ooops – almost forgot – here’s the link: http://www.canada.com/topics/lifestyle/valentinesday/story.html?id=b08a9a9d-5e63-4d6a-a2f6-830851b381ab

The title of this post says it all :)

I had heard of this before (can’t remember when and where), but I watched it for the first time.

This video, most definitely, is guaranteed to make you smile right from the beginning – so much that your face will start hurting coz you’ve been smiling for that long.

What an awesome video of communities from all across the world coming together just simply, to create JOY!

14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands – this video is about this guy called Matt… aah well just watch the video first, I’m sure you’ll want to find out more about him after that – click on his website which I’ve posted after the video :)

http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/about.shtml