Subtle Aspirations

god! so many different designs it’s not funny! ritesh has seen em all (*i think). i bet he’s even more frustrated than me… but i hope this is here to stay…

i know, the old posts that i imported from my livejournal got screwed up somewhere during the transition… i don’t have the patience to fix them right now…. but i know i will, eventually… (*ahem!)

i need feedback! so people, let me know how this is… and oh ritesh, this is complete css ;)

phew! finally! moved to wordpress

guess ritesh will be really pleased hehe… :D

gotta still test things around… so lets see…

it’s cold here in the city
it always seems that way
and i’ve been thinking about you almost everyday
thinking about the good times
thinking about the rain
thinking about how bad it feels alone again

i’m sorry for the way things are in china
i’m sorry things ain’t what they used to be
but more than anything else
i’m sorry for myself
cause you’re not here with me

our friends ask all about you
i say you’re doing fine
and i expect to hear from you almost anytime
but they all know i’m crying
i can’t sleep at night
they all know i’m dying down deep inside

i’m sorry for all the lies i told you
i’m sorry for the things i didn’t say
but more than anything else
i’m sorry for myself
i can’t believe you went away

i’m sorry if i took some things for granted
i’m sorry for the chains i put on you
but more than anything else
i’m sorry for myself
for living without you

words and music by john denver

listen to this song here
(you need real player installed)

i don’t know why this song so touched me, so wanted to share it with everyone

been a while since i posted… a lot happening, mostly not good stuff so didn’t really wanna pen anything down.

to start with, a couple of days ago, i got back home in the evening from work and as usual went to check my mail and that’s where my car is parked. i noticed the passenger window open in my car… a little confused, i walked towards the car to check it out… and i realised someone had smashed open the passenger window wide open… with all glass pieces shattered in the car… it was a terrible sight :-(

i was so taken aback, i didn’t even bother to check if anyone’s stolen anything from the car… i got home and called up the cops and filed a complain… naturally the first thing they asked me was if anything was stolen. i said i’d call them back after i check.

when i went down to check again, i figured that my mp3-cd player was stolen. honestly, i didn’t quite care… it was one of those moments where i absurdly thought to myself… why did they have to break my glass… they could have just asked me and i would have given it to them :-(

probably for the first time i experienced a feeling that i had never felt before, and therefore cannot put it in words. i felt like crying. i’ve never been “broken-into” and brutally (as i’d like to call it) robbed!

all of a sudden i felt extremely lonely, very disconnected from the whole world. i wanted to hear the words, “it’s ok, don’t worry, it’ll be allright”. i just wanted a comforting thought, someone who would just be there… and comfort me for a while.

i immediately picked up the phone and called mum… i just wanted to hear her thats all…

well that was that… the weekend passed and today i finally managed to take my car to a smash-repair shop to get my bumpers fixed and to get a pink slip (my rego expires tomorrow) with crossed fingers.

apparently, i’ve gotta get back to them tomorrow and hopefully (please god please), they will give me the pink slip (inspection check) tomorrow so i can run to the rta and get my rego. of course i still have to pay my green slip (ctp insurance) with aami which i’d probably do tonight.

such a small thing you’d think. but believe me, its because i went through this for the first time and i felt so lost.

i wonder how do people whose homes have been brutally robbed, cope with it! god bless them and give them the comfort they desire.

god, forgive me for any wrong i’ve done in my life :(

i often have wandered in deep contemplation
it seems that the mind runs wild when youre all alone
the way that it could be
the way that it should be
things id do differently if i could do them again

listen to this song here
(you need real player installed)

one of the best nights’ i’ve had since …. ummm say about 3 years :-

kayte had to go home early as she had a personal training session from 6.30 to 7.30 or so…

every alternate friday at work, we have a drinkies evening with a bbq. this morning we received an email from hr advising that the bbq eve has been postponed to next week as a lotta people are away this week due to the easter break…

mike and myself decided to have a couple of beers and end the week just chilling out… so we went off to the porterhouse pub and had a couple of beers…

wasn’t long until mike suggested if he could invite his friend nina along for a few beers. as i was pretty laid back, i didn’t mind it…

so nina caught up with us in about 20 mins or so…

strikingly nina and myself got along so well… we shared the exact same opinions on everything we talked about…

she’s working for this web development company, and we started talking about php and asp and css, xml and stuff…

it wasn’t long before the topic shifted to books and oh my god… exactly the same thought pattern… i expressed how i picked up a few classics by mark twain and charles dickens a few months ago… started to read a “tale of two cities”, and couldn’t go further than the first page… and then an eloquently exploited discussion on why followed on, with nina doing the honours as she shared the exact same reaction to it at the first instance.

by this time myself and mike were down by 5 beers and nina was down by 2…

this porterhouse pub had a lot of famous pictures/portraits of celebrities/historians of the past, hung on the walls…. mike looks at one of them, which was at a distance from where we were sitting, and says, lets bet on who this is…

nina suggested that it was issac newton… mike laughed about it and said it was his father… and then they both were like, “devesh, who do you think it is”… and someone with that stature in the picture, i coudn’t think of anyone else but bernard shaw… and then mike got up to have a look at the small inscription written below it….

he comes back and says, “well, one of you is right! devesh, it is bernard shaw :-)

anyways, the conversations flew from books, to music, to life and everything that we could talk about…

it was just a perfect evening… having these really intellectual, debatable conversations and everyone sharing their opinions, in the highest in-arguable manner… reminds me of times of lore!

i will not forget this evening for a long time :-)

i finally got it!

since the past 2 months i’ve been going to these indian stores just to rent this movie on dvd – kamal hassan’s hey ram! it was out all this while. on my way back home from work, i had to goto the indian store to get some rotis (been wanting to have indian since long). i asked this guy if hey ram is in, and he said that someone just returned it 10 minutes ago! i just grabbed it :)

i love this movie… everyone i know didn’t like it… but there’s something about this movie, that just grips me… i think it’s magnificently made! so tonight’s gonna be some good indian food (paneer butter masala & rotis with some green chillis… yumm!) and hey ram :)

god it’s terrible to resume work after a long weekend! it was so tiring today and there are a lot of things happening in the company so i guess it’s going to be quite stressfull until june/july :(

just got back home and made myself some nice hot cuppa tea… and now… i’ve lost my train of thought… so gonna stop here :-