spent about an hr and more on the bed. with lights shut.

you know how when you spend more time in the dark your vision becomes clearer? so yeah, spent that hour staring at the ceiling.

then i tried to say to myself, “dev, you gotta wake up in the next 2 hrs! you slept for just 2.5 hrs last night too… turn, and focus on sleep!”

and i turned. in a few seconds, i started getting uncomfortable with the sound of my own breathing. so i turned again. and hey! the ceiling again :???:

few more minutes and here the voice again, “dev, you gotta wake up in the next……”

ungh…. turn the other way.

this time, the sound of the second’s hand of my alarm clock got a bit too prominient!

so i get up, and sit on the bed! hold my head in my hands and try to keep my mind blank!

now it’s the sound of my breathing competing with the sound of the second’s hand of my alarm clock, ticking away, saying it’s getting closer to the time to go get a shower, iron, make some cofffee, have a cigarette, put on clothes and walk out of that door to catch the train to work!

i’ve noticed, with me, there’s a threshold line. if i cross that, i have to make sure i don’t sleep after that. because, if i do, i’ll wake up 2 days later :shock:

and knowing, that i’ve just only crossed it, i decide to get online and write about it.

how lame!

i hate this, i’ve got an hr to kill and make sure i don’t sleep! because i can’t sleep now! i’ve cross the line! no matter how sleepy i get now, i shouldn’t sleep now!

it’s easy to say that in the next 10 years, i may not even remember these moments in my life. it’s docile to say that i would have conveniently forgone past this phase.

but right now, i’m in this moment. and i’ve gotta get through, else there wouldn’t be any “next 10 years”.

and i question my god right now! because as much as i’ve know him, even he doesn’t have the courage to pass the strength on to me to hold on…. and it’s funny i still am.

i’m still typing!

i could have been dead by now :???:

.
.
.
.

aaah fuck! no more coffee left at home!

damn it’s gonna be tough to get through this hour!

I walk the maze of moments
But everywhere I turn to
Begins a new beginning
But never finds a finish
I walk to the horizon
And there I find another
It all seems so surprising
And then I find that I know

You go there you’re gone forever
I go there I’ll lose my way
If we stay here we’re not together
Anywhere is

The moon upon the ocean
Is swept around in motion
But without ever knowing
The reason for it’s flowing
In motion on the ocean
The moon still keeps on moving
The waves still keep on waving
And I still keep on going

I wonder if the stars sign
The life that is to be mine
And would they let their light shine
Enough for me to follow
I look up to the heavens
But night has clouded over
No spark of constellation
No vela no orion

The shells upon the warm sands
Have taken from their own lands
The echo of their story
But all I hear are low sounds
As pillow words are weaving
And willow waves are leaving
But should I be believing
That I am only dreaming

You go there you’re gone forever
I go there I’ll lose my way
If we stay here we’re not together
Anywhere is

To leave the thread of all time
And let it make a dark line
In hopes that I can still find
The way back to the moment
I took the turn and turned to
Begin a new beginning
Still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It’s either this or that way
It’s one way or the other
It should be one direction
It could be on reflection
The turn I have just taken
The turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end.

why the title?

dunno, just running in my head…

anyways this is a test post

gonna try and get some sleep :roll: