Ch ch ch Changes…

No one likes changes – changes which fall upon you, may it be by fate or a decision you’ve made.

Good changes are welcomed – but there’s always an unnerving feeling of the transition between your current state and adapting the change.

The reason for this post is two fold:

Firstly – an update to all who drop by here.

I’ve embraced a big change in my life :) I’m moving cities and intending to actually settle down in Melbourne. 

Honestly, Melbourne has been on my mind for a few months now but nothing tipped the scales for me like a few weeks ago.

In short – I applied for a dream job – something that I’ve always wanted to do and couldn’t quite find the fit anywhere before. I applied online and shortly after the application I got an email from them saying that they’re interested to have a chat. 

The phone interview went great and a week later I was in Melbourne for a face to face interview. 

Cutting it short – they made a good offer, coupled with my subliminal intention of “starting fresh”, I accepted the role and confirmed that I’ll move within a fortnight.

I made a snap decision right then that I’m going to get rid of most of the stuff that I’ve owned over the years here (more specifically the things I purchased over the last 3 years).

I don’t know if what they say is true – out of sight is out of mind – but I’m not risking carrying anything with the memories of the past with me over.

As the days draw closer to the big move, my knees go weaker. I know the emotional attachment with the city I’ve lived in for the last 8 years is going to be a tough nerve to severe.

My flatmate, Karan, said something very profound to me the day I came back from Melbourne (at that time I hadn’t yet made my decision of moving – only contemplating it). He said and I quote:

“There is no growth in the comfort zone, and no comfort in the growth zone”

That statement kinda hit home for me. Yes I’ve become too comfortable in the small life that I had. I had mulled too long in the aftermath of the destitution that I had brought upon myself. And worse yet, I had grown too comfortable living with all that filth in my head. 

Most naturally there was no room left whatsoever to grow and seek a better life.

That night as I put my head on my pillow, Karan’s words echoed back in my head – and I knew that I’m going to take this risk. I’m going to give this a shot. I’m going to MOVE :)

So with the support from my family and all my friends who I’ve known – I endeavor to take what they say – another baby step – reminds me of what Ruch had told me long ago – “it’s all about taking baby steps my dear, and before you know it, you’ve walked a mile!” :)

—–

So, as I said earlier, this post is two fold… 

A few years ago I had subscribed to Brian Kim’s Motivational & Inspirational Messages (MIT) via email. So every evening when I get home, I’ve got one waiting for me. 

Today’s message pretty much felt as if it was directed towards me :) So here it is for anyone who may benefit from it:

 

Every day is a new opportunity to start with a clean slate.

 

To put the past behind you and to look forward to a promising future.    

 

And to mark this special occasion, try making some radical changes to ”shock” you out of your routine to tell yourself that you really mean business.

 

That THIS is the day things start to change.  

 

  • Wake up at an earlier time and lift weights and jog around the block.
  • Throw out EVERYTHING you don’t need in your house.
  • Tie up all the loose ends you’ve been putting off.

 

Whatever you do, make sure it’s a positive, radical, substantial change to get you off on the right foot and running toward the direction you want.    

 

The hardest part in getting a rocket into space is escaping earth’s gravity.

 

Once it does that, the rest is easy.  

I think it’s about forgiveness

about forgiveness

Have you ever watched a glass fall down and shatter to pieces, closely?

Replay that instance in slow motion in the eye of your mind. Notice how the refractions in the glass encompasses the reflections of everything around it? Even after it hits the floor and disperses into pieces, those pieces reflect everything around it.

Partners of an ending relationship argue that they’ve done the same.

Often so we hear “I gave it everything I could”.

An unfettering relationship always has both parties reaching a breaking point; a point where they stretched it together until the last straw fell, shattering everything they’ve built into oblivion. Hence the simile of the falling glass.

As much as one would like to think “I gave it everything, until I didn’t have anything left to give anymore”, one must yearn to seek acceptance of the fact that the opposite person would have too.

It’s not about who put how much effort in – you really can never measure that to a tee.

Sometimes all it is, is a difference in perspective. And you only realise that over time.

Everyone did as much as they could to make it survive.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to argue who had an upper hand at how much effort they put in. Or you can choose to affirm to yourself, “We both did the best we could, just in different planes. I forgive myself, forgive you and choose to let go”

Don’t scorn, don’t resent, don’t disrespect – everyone does that – it most naturally seems the easy way out.

Instead improvise – Accept, respect and choose to pardon – your future self will thank you for it.

Here’s a song that’s been playing on my iPhone a lot lately:

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i got the call today, i didn’t wanna hear
but i knew that it would come
an old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
she said you found someone
and i thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
and how i lost me and you lost you
what are these voices outside love’s open door
make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?

i’m learning to live without you now
but i miss you sometimes
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i knew, i’m learning again
i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

these times are so uncertain
there’s a yearning undefined
…people filled with rage
we all need a little tenderness
how can love survive in such a graceless age
the trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
they’re the very things we kill, i guess
pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
and the work i put between us,
doesn’t keep me warm

i’m learning to live without you now
but i miss you, baby
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i figured out, i have to learn again
i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

there are people in your life who’ve come and gone
they let you down and hurt your pride
better put it all behind you; life goes on
you keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside

i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it’s about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

i’ve been tryin’ to get down to the heart of the matter
because the flesh will get weak
and the ashes will scatter
so i’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
forgiveness
even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

Distraught Meanderings

meanderings

A drop fell on his eyelid. He looked up and acknowledged the dark, gathering clouds, knowing that he still has a long way until he reaches home.

It was a while since he had walked out of his house aimlessly – with no destination. To let fate lead him wherever, in hope that there would be some sign, whatsoever, which will link all the pieces of his life and give him meaning. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the line from the TV show, “The X-Files” – “The truth is out there”. “What truth?” he wondered.

With that thought he shut the door of his apartment and walked out.

As he walked down the empty pavement ahead, he battled feverously with numerous thoughts in his head, feeling as if he was walking in the opposite direction of a crowd. Every now and then his logic would peek amidst the emotional chaos and remind him to be Zen like and “empty his cup”. A few minutes, and he was back on the cycle.

3 random bus trips and a few hours down the line, he found himself at a place he didn’t know even existed until then. There was a wharf close so he decided to take a stroll by.

His mind kept juggling with the concept of the glass being half empty or half full. And the Zen notion was long forgotten.

The sound of church bells in the distance kept him amused for a while. Part of him wanted to explore and visit the place. Part of him wanted to stay put. An hour passed when he realised how he stayed put without evening making a decision.

“What now?
What’s the point staying here further?
Tomorrow will be another day and life has to go on the way we have known it to isn’t it?
One’s got to work, earn, pay bills, eat, live!
Even if one dissevers every other string attached, one still has to deal with basic essentials.
Are these basic essentials culturally ingrained over a period of time?
Is that why one cannot fathom otherwise?
How do people stop being themselves, turn the page, and live to lead a fresh new life?
Can they truly ignore their conscience?
Isn’t it a struggle to bolt the door to your mind from letting the past back in your head?
Or is it so that one just gets habituated to it and it becomes second nature after a while?
But if so, what determines the capacity of a human to be able to cope with that period until they are habituated to it?
Is there a point for all these questions?
Tomorrow will be another day and life has to go on the way we have known it to isn’t it?”

Just then, a drop fell on his eyelid. He looked up and acknowledged the dark, gathering clouds, knowing that he still has a long way until he reaches home.