He could feel the heavy spasms of breaths he was taking. It was a while now, but he just only realised that he was.
Breath, something we take as a given. Something we never really, truly pay attention to! Everything talks about focussing on one’s breathing when one has to learn to relax, focus, funnel, meditate, visualise, hope, take stock… take perspective.
Like a one stop shop to buy time in finding answers.
But the more he fuelled his attention to his breath, the more vexatious he felt. “How is this gonna help”, he wondered ambiguously to himself. “Maybe if I count backwards on every breath?” – 100, 99, 98, 97… “Why do we start counting from 100 when we think backwards? Or 10?”
Without allowing the question more light, he vexed in continuing… “89, 88, 87, 86… or maybe I should count forward – I’ve been counting backwards since I was a kid, it’s easy… maybe I need something difficult to focus my attention to…. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… Erm… what’s the point of this? Am I trying not to think? Am I avoiding thoughts to fill my mind? Maybe I’m trying to feel fit?”
And abruptly as it was, he could suddenly feel the heavy spasms of breaths he was taking.
It was a while now, but he just only realised that he was.