All posts tagged world

True purpose of relationships – to get whacked!

Recently, I came across an excellent story on the true purpose of relationships. Of course we always want to notoriously draw a definition on anything that’s human and inexplicable by logic… However, this one definitely caught my eye. Have a read and reflect back :)

In a land far away a beautiful princess was about to get married to her dream man. She had been told he was the perfect man. Full of love, compassion, strength and intelligence – and of course handsome as hell. She was so happy. The wedding day came and went, the whole kingdom celebrated and all was well. The morning after an equally wonderful wedding night, the princess brought her new husband tea and biscuits in bed. He smiled, ate, drank, told her how deeply he loved her and then slapped her flush across the cheek. They had not lied, he was strong and the princess was knocked to the floor by the force of the blow. She was dazed, in pain but mostly just in shock. What was more surprising was the shock on the husband’s face. He was even more bewildered.

The husband convinced the princess that he was just as taken aback by what happened and was genuinely sorry. His kind eyes and sincere tone clearly indicated to her that he was telling the truth so she forgave him and they moved on. Some years passed and soon both forgot the ugly event, until one day just as suddenly it happened again…. Whack! Then, soon after it reared its ugly head again…. Whack! Now it was too much for both to take and so they decided to seek counsel. Being royalty, all the best medics were summoned and consulted. Various theories were postulated and several cures were tried. Calming oils, exotic herbs, exorcisms, but every so often… Whack! It would happen again.

Desperate, they finally went to see a mysterious sage who lived high up in the mountains and was reputed as the wisest medic in the land, but one who would rarely accept an audience. After a long, hard journey they finally arrived at the sage’s cave. He was sitting on a rock outside in deep meditation so they waited patiently. Several hours later the sage opened his eyes and noticed the couple and much to their relief agreed to speak to them. He led them inside and then heard about the problem. At the end of the narration he asked to see the husband’s hands and closely inspected his palms. Once done with the husband he surprisingly asked to see the princess’s hand and carefully began to check her pulse. Finally he looked up smiling and said, “I will tell you what is happening here, but in exchange you must not refuse me what I ask.” Anxious to have this mystery finally solved they both agreed.

“Well, my dearies”, said the sage still smiling and looking at the husband said, “You sir are a great, healer. Your hands contain great power and you my dear princess have a terrible disease that keeps re-occurring every so often. By slapping you he has been curing you of this affliction time and again. If it had not been for those slaps, you would have long perished by now.” What relief they both felt. Overwhelmed by what they heard they fell to the feet of the sage and tearfully thanked him. As for the payment, well the husband wound up and laid one directly on the sage…. Whack!

What is the point of this story? Relationship produces pain for you so that you may awaken to what needs to be worked on within yourself. In the case of the princess she was lucky as the pain was benefiting her without her knowledge, but in most of our cases we need to utilize the suffering caused by the relationship to inspect closely the disease of our attachments. The pain, upset, discomfort caused in the relationship helps to reveal the attachments we have and the inner working of our minds. It could be as simple as feeling bad for not being complimented on a new dress or as complex as getting upset with your partner for giving away too much to charity. All the upsets, big and small, simple and complex have their roots in our attachments. The attachments could be to security, money, sex, power, prestige, name, fame, religion, children, family, country, comfort, food, etc. It does not matter, our relationships, specially the intimate ones, will poignantly reveal them to us.

As long as we have these attachments, and they are strong within us, we live in fear and misery. Afraid of not getting that which we want, afraid of loosing it if we have it and fearful of those on whom we depend on for their fulfillment. Any relationship upon which you depend for your personal gratification and security will eventually lead you to the mess of anger, control, possessiveness, jealousy, fear and hatred. This is relatively easy to see if we watch relationships in action. So measuring the strength of one’s relationship by the level of attachment is quite silly. In fact, life will not allow such relationships to endure and by producing a few storms she will eventually tear it down and force a new one to be built. On the other hand, when two self-sufficient people meet, adore each other and enjoy each other’s company we have the makings of something special.

Seeing the trouble that attachment brings and realizing that love and fear cannot coexist, what can be done? Change your attitude towards relationship pain. See it for what it really is, an opportunity for insight. Insight into the working of pleasure and its child – desire, or pain and its child – fear. The way of insight is through delicate observation. When any upset occurs watch closely how you react to it. Watch closely how the storm of thoughts start to take control. “I can’t believe he did this again, he does it every time, I have told him so many times before, he knows how important this is for me, he is so selfish and inconsiderate, I bet he would not treat his mother like this, why doesn’t he change, I am never going to speak to him again, … I am so right!” On and on thought takes over and one is caught in the chaos. This is childish and won’t help at all, and the worst part is that a golden opportunity is being wasted. An opportunity to observe the self in action and perceive the root cause of the attachment. Have you ever tried to observe the actual feeling, the physical reality of what is taking place without interfering and without getting carried away into all the mental threads? By doing so, you will allow the fact of what is happening, anger, jealousy, fear, etc. to reveal itself to you in its complete detail. This is to understand by direct perception and allow insight to blossom. This is the only approach that will root out and weaken attachment. Any other reaction on your part to suppress the feeling, or run away from it, or replace it with good feelings, or psychoanalyse it, etc, will simply leave the underlying causes intact only to have the outburst happen again when the time is ripe.

The princess had cancer, which was cured by life through her husband; life tries in the same way to cure the disease of attachment that we are afflicted with using our relationships. Observing carefully our internal reality, that is reflected in our relationships, is the beginning of meditation. And meditation alone brings freedom and self-sufficiency. Relationship provides the most useful opportunities for applying ourselves in this way, so be ready, prepared and poised the next time you get Whacked.


Guaranteed to make your face hurt!

The title of this post says it all :)

I had heard of this before (can’t remember when and where), but I watched it for the first time.

This video, most definitely, is guaranteed to make you smile right from the beginning – so much that your face will start hurting coz you’ve been smiling for that long.

What an awesome video of communities from all across the world coming together just simply, to create JOY!

14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands – this video is about this guy called Matt… aah well just watch the video first, I’m sure you’ll want to find out more about him after that – click on his website which I’ve posted after the video :)

9 Steps to Bring Freshness in Your Life Right Now!

I’m a strong believer in the fact that a coalition of simple acts by just one person DOES lead to making this world a better place to live in.

So I decided that I’ll create a new category on my blog called “Change the World“. Hopefully write something from time to time, mainly from personal experiences and aspirations, that someone can probably take something from and add in their bit in their own way to making a difference in the world.

I’ve been pondering about expanding your horizons and living life in abundance lately. A few things that came to my mind which I’d like to share…

Have you wondered how “routine” life can become over time? I mean, time and again we find ourselves being stuck in a rut of what is required from us – making ends meet, catching up with same old friends, having a good time like we have always been, listen to the same genre of music, eating the same “favourite” food.

Don’t you think you’re being underexposed in life? Not trying anything new, not going anywhere, not seeking new connections?

Yes I know, you’re wondering where I’m going with this…

I’m trying to inspire you to think “broad”, explore life to it’s fullest, live in abundance, take risks and give thanks at the end for a wonderful journey each day.

Life is so full of new things – different cultures to learn from, so many different hobbies, meeting people with completely new personalities and so much more, all offering different perspectives on the way you think.

Ask yourself – have you been sailing? Have you been to a museum?

Have you:

  • been fishing?
  • learnt a new language?
  • been skydiving?
  • heard a symphony?
  • been to a rock concert?
  • tried playing a musical instrument?
  • offered voluntary help for the community?
  • explored a new culture?
  • been to an art gallery?
  • visited a new country?

The list is endless.

You may say “Well I’m not the kinda person who likes art”… How would you know unless you give it a shot?

Maybe you can’t afford to visit a new country, but you can definitely spend a few hours by the beach, or your local park and read a book isn’t it?

I still remember many years ago when I had just met my EX, she made a plan for a bunch of us to go to an amusement park. Now I used to despise amusement parks – but then again I brightly agreed to go – of course at that time I just wanted her to like me :) I would’ve gone to a mental research facility for psych tests if she would’ve asked me to back then LOL!

Anyways, I pompously remember now having so much fun that day – and that’s when I realised, I had simply pre-judged going to amusement parks until then.

Prejudice has nothing to do with just race or religion. You could pre-judge a culture, a hobby or an event! Have you thought about how many things have you simply, subconsciously pre-judged and ruled them out of your life without even giving it a second thought just because you’re not “used to it”?

I was always the kind of person who’d hang out with the same kinda friends, watch the same genre of tv-shows/movies and mostly have the same kinda food. For me it was like if someone has no clue about technology, xbox, my sense of humour, I didn’t have anything to do with them! Can you imagine how small my life had gotten? It was that “similarity” that I was after, that was actually limiting me. It wasn’t until recently I’ve actually started exploring more in life – thinking of broadening my life.

I remember a few months ago, I came back home from one of the worst days at work, and was pretty much in the mood to just curl up, feel miserable and sleep it off. Just then a friend of mine who lives up the coast called me. And I began my whining while explaining to her what happened all day so she could “empathise”. And she goes like, “alright – put on your running shoes right now and just walk out. Don’t question it or sit to think about it – just do it”. So I did, still grumbling though trying to reason out “how would this really help!”. A few minutes in just walking aimlessly, something beautiful started happening – I started to pay attention to nature, people around, still waters (there’s a wharf close to where I live) etc. I ended up spending over an hour just sitting by that wharf. I gave her a call to thank her and she told me she was doing the same thing – so we kept chatting on our walk back home, both being more appreciative and positive about the day :)

Imagine how much you’d grow as a person when you explore, see different cultures, develop new hobbies, meet people who look at things from a different perspective or learn about the history of a new place.

Even if we disagree with someone or something, we’d still learn something.

Getting out of your box every now and then will not only help you to grow, but also bring in enthusiasm in your life, stay excited and appreciate all that life has to offer.

So to sum it up, I challenge you to give some of the points below a shot in the coming week itself:

  • Get out and meet people who are NOT like you. People who don’t share the same views as yours. Who don’t have the same sense of humour as yours. People who grew up in completely different environment than yours.
  • Set out some time to visit a local art gallery or a museum in your city. Better yet, take a friend you recently got acquainted with to tag along.
  • Welcome differences in attitudes and people – You don’t have to agree to the differences, simply acknowledge that you’re welcoming it to seek different perspectives.
  • Remind yourself everyday that life is abundant and there’s always so much to see, learn, observe, accept and be thankful for.
  • Every often think about one, complete selfless act, that you could do voluntarily that may make a difference to someone and in turn, make you feel better. It could be as simple as randomly greeting a stranger and wishing them “good day”.
  • Try to explore or cultivate a new hobby – read up on the internet about it, or go to your local library and read a book about it.
  • Call up a friend and see the sunset together.
  • Write a hand-written letter to a loved one.
  • Do something out of your normal routine of your day to day life.

You never know – you may be missing out on the best part of life just because you’ve pre-judged something and have made up your mind that you’re not gonna like to do something.

Life is way bigger than your mindset, bigger than your career, your ambition, your lifestyle. The more you’ll explore, the more appreciative you’ll become and make better decisions.